Single With Friends

It’s that time of year again. That time of year where we are on the brink of summer and everyone just stops caring about responsibility and starts planning dream vacations to Bora Bora that they can’t possibly afford. The time of year where shorts are getting shorter and girls check to make sure they shaved their armpits that morning. It is also the time of year where relationships are put to the test and your friends’ boyfriends and girlfriends are planning to spend every possible second of the summer together.

You know what I’m talking about. Well, you do if you’re the single friend. I know that feel. I mean, I really know that feel. You are constantly the single friend. The one that listens to every single worry, fight, or romantic thing that is happening with your friends and their significant others. As the single friend, you are expected to listen at all times and give advice on every detail of their relationship while you just sit there, fake-grinning at them with that, ‘I’m Single and Have Absolutely No Knowledge on This Subject’ look. Alas, you are still a rockin’ friend who listens to them and tries to help out the best you can.

After helping out your friends and seeing the relief on their faces, you feel pretty accomplished. That is, until you are lying on the couch at 10:30 on a Saturday night eating an entire bag of tortilla chips and a jar of spinach dip, binge watching your favorite show on Netflix. You’re alone, so you’re probably chewing with your mouth wide open with a blob of spinach dip resting comfortably on your chest when it finally hits you. The totally single person activity you are participating in.

At first, you try to play it off like it is no big deal. Who cares about doing stuff on a Saturday? Not you! Until you scroll through your Instagram and see the double date both of your friends went on with their partners. First, you’re happy. They look so cute! You give the photo a double-tap and move on to Facebook where you see that they have checked in at the bowling alley. Now the jealousy starts to worm its way into your head, resonating over the sound coming from your television. “Why do they always go out together? They never ask me to do anything,” your jealous self whispers. You toss your phone on the coffee table and continue sulking, cramming six to seven chips in your mouth at a time until there is nothing but salty crumbs in the bottom of the bag and you drag yourself to your bedroom where you fall asleep.

Maybe this isn’t exactly how your night goes. I am just simply creating the scene for a night that I have relived over and over again as Little Miss Single. I know, it makes me sound pretty bitter and I would be lying if I didn’t say that occasionally (probably one Saturday a month), I feel pretty crummy. However, I think I am starting to figure out a remedy for the single feels.

It’s this new thing I call ‘Self-Discovery’ and let me tell you, it’s pretty great. Instead of wondering why I am still single, I focus on more important things like, oh, I don’t know… Me. I focus on me. It is kind of strange, actually. I have started thinking about what makes me up as a person rather than wondering what others think make me a person in their eyes. For years, I have built myself up to this point where I have a huge brick wall separating my logical, rational thoughts from the emotional ones. In high-school, this wall helped a lot, keeping my emotional being hidden from constant torment of stress from sports, grades, extracurricular activities, and so-called friends. Then, college rolled around the corner and there I was, surrounded by people from all walks of life.

It was refreshing, being surrounded by so many individuals who actually thought the same way I did. Little by little, that brick wall of stoicism began to crumble and due to a little help from my not-so-single friends, I actually discovered this wall. Now, I’m coming at the wall like Miley Cyrus with a sledgehammer, slowly knocking it down brick by brick. Instead of shutting down emotionally and being the girl that’s too proud to shed a tear in front of her friends, I’ve started letting some leak through my blue-eyed exterior. I laugh a lot more and *occasionally* say something that my mother would be wide-eyed in shock if I had said it in front of her.

Now, I’m not saying that all single people feel this way or have the same thing going on that I do. However, everyone has some sort of wall built up, single or not. It’s just human nature. Why be ourselves completely when the guy next to us will definitely judge us for wearing a unicorn crop top that we absolutely adore? I honestly can’t tell you. What I can tell you is that thinking about yourself isn’t so bad, whether you’re single or not. It just so happens that it took me being single with not-so-single friends to figure it all out.

Love,

Heldie