Worth

“Every woman that finally figured out her worth, has picked up her suitcases of pride and boarded a flight to freedom, which landed in the valley of change.” ― Shannon L. Alder

As of late, the word 'worth' has been rolling about in my head. When I'm doing something menial at work, while doing laundry, or taking a shower, this one word has slowly started to creep into my thoughts. But why this word? What has been the underlying cause that has nagged me to the point where brain is just blinking, "WORTH WORTH WORTH" like an 'Open' sign behind closed eyelids?

I'd finally given up on the thought. I was tired of thinking about it and needed to focus on other things. After posting a video on Instagram this morning, I had been receiving notifications from people who liked the video, how many times it had been viewed, and about the comments I had received on said video. I kept anxiously checking my phone to see if I had received a new notification regarding my recent post and just like the chime of an incoming text, enlightenment struck.

Being the self-absorbed, media focused millennial that I am, I had been so focused on what people thought of my video that I had forgotten exactly why I had shared it in the first place. I had become so engrossed in what people thought of me that I had forgotten what I thought about myself. I began to scroll through the rest of my Instagram posts and found myself on one that I remember being so upset that more people hadn't liked it. I had liked it, why didn't everyone? Right then, I realized what my head had been trying to tell me for weeks. Instead of taking account of my own self-worth, I had placed it into the phone screen of someone else.

Sure, sure. This may seem like a lot to draw from one Instagram post. However, take a look around. Better yet, take a look in the mirror. If you're anything like me, you have inadvertently conditioned yourself to not post about your whole self, but only certain aspects of yourself. It's easier to accept and broadcast specific parts of who you are when other people are telling you they like those certain qualities as well. Or, if we do choose to share our not-so-spiffy components, we make a joke of it at our expense, again, hoping that people will like it for the joke and not actually for the message.

All in all, liking who you are as a person is a lot harder than we care to admit. That's when we have to ask ourselves, do we actually like who we are as person? Or do we just accept society's ruling? I used to think that I did enjoy who I was as a person with a few minor things that I needed to work on. Now, after a little self-evaluation, I'm not so sure that those things I once considered "minor" aren't something I should reflect on more.

I always thought that I knew my self-worth. I know my strengths and I always felt that I was quite aware of my weaknesses. Today and moving forward, it's time to take stock of what makes me worthy as a person in school, work, friendships, and just life in general. That kind of work doesn't start with a Facebook like, though. It starts with me.

Love,

Heldie